Summer Detour: Hosed
by KarotsaMused
Summary: Gojyo is mischievous. Gojyo is sneaky. Gojyo is in a heap of trouble. For Pervasive Threnody's Challenge


A/N: Saiyuki isn't mine. But if they were, there would be wardrobe malfunctions -every day-  
  
I am sick as of right now. It's so lovely. But I wrote this 'cause I'm also quite bored. Heh. It's for the Summer Detour challenge, and I'm doing something I'm unused to in that a) it's mildly humorous b) it's mainly Gojyo interacting with Sanzo. No real warnings, no shounen-ai...mild cursing, but nothing bad. It's just a summer day in the life of the Sanzo-ikkou.  
  
Enjoy  
  
...  
  
Gojyo didn't know how Hakkai had managed it. And with all of his Goddam _clothes _on. The brunette merely smiled at the end of it, settling down under the overhang of the porch, resting cloth-clad elbows over his knees.   
  
The day was not hot, because no word so mild as that could encompass the hair-matting, strength-sapping _blaze_ that enveloped the brain in cotton and squeezed. And Hakkai had driven them through it, over the cracked and waving ground until they'd found paradise. The brunette merely smiled at the end of it, settling down under the overhang of the porch, resting his tired frame.  
  
Paradise turned out to be an inn with property bordering a nearby river. After Hakkai had checked them in, they had gone as four to cool off. Somewhere along the drive, Gojyo and Goku had stripped to their waists, playing barefooted in hip-deep water. Neither cared how soaked they'd gotten - their clothes were already damp from sweat. Hakkai took their clothes inside and returned with cold drinks and towels. Gojyo waved for him to join them. The brunette merely smiled, settling down under the overhang of the porch, resting the line of his spine against a pillar for support.  
  
Sanzo stood by him in the shade, for once without his heavy robes on. It had taken much negotiation on Hakkai's part and a thoroughly distracted Gojyo and Goku to get him to do it, but he'd divested himself of his vestments and let Hakkai take them inside. The blonde's fingers curled every once in a while, gripping at his belt loops. He was twitchy without the constant presence of gun and sutra. He was twitchy at bearing his shoulders and the lines of his body. So he stayed close to Hakkai.  
  
After shoving a spluttering Goku's head under the water for the umpteenth time, Gojyo hopped out of the river and wrung out the ends of his pants. Goku surfaced and grabbed for Gojyo's ankles, but the redhead darted out of the way, leaving muddy footprints in the dirt.  
  
"Oi, Sanzo, aren't you hot?" Goku called, giving up the pursuit of Gojyo. "Come in and cool off."  
  
Sanzo didn't deign to respond, merely standing beside Hakkai in the shade of the porch. Gojyo sauntered over, wringing out his hair as he walked. He bent over to come eye-level with Hakkai.  
  
"And you yourself. Look at you, still in all those layers. Always thought you were a prude." Gojyo smirked and purposefully dripped cold water onto Hakkai's scalp. The brunette reached up and batted his hand away.  
  
"Somebody's got to watch out for you," he replied with a soft laugh.  
  
Gojyo snorted, kneeling behind the brunette. "The great Sanzo-sama can surely take care of himself. Me and the saru, well, we're big boys. Come on, you." He grabbed Hakkai's collar with wet hands and tugged. "You're wet already, sweating so much. Give yourself a break."  
  
Hakkai did not so much as move after that, lapsing into soft silence. A frigid hand under his shirt made him jump. Gojyo traced the puckered lines marring Hakkai's torso with cold, wet, comfortable fingers. "Just us. We're used to it. It's too hot to be gloomy." He elbowed Sanzo in the calf. "Right, droopy-eyes?" Gojyo patted Hakkai on the shoulder, not expecting a reaction from the monk and getting just that. Hakkai smiled softly.  
  
"I suppose it is uncomfortably warm out."  
  
Gojyo grinned, nudging Hakkai again. "And the river's wonderful." He got up, leaving a puddle of river water on the porch, and waited for Hakkai in the sunshine. The brunette calmly untied his boots, much more comfortable with the idea of baring his feet to the world than anything else. Gojyo was adamant however, raising both his eyebrows and pulling off the soaking blue bandanna from his forehead. He snapped it threateningly until Hakkai laughed. Slowly, ever so slowly, the brunette pulled away the sweat-heavy garment and laid it out to dry. Next, much more easily, came the monocle. Gojyo grinned and pulled him into the water, where Goku made sure only to torture the mildly hydrophobic kappa.  
  
Sanzo watched them with disgust. It was too hot out to play, too stupid to be so childish. Smoking warmed the mouth too much. He felt naked, but it was not naked enough in this heat. He walked out from the protective shade of the porch, picking his way through cool grass, until he was some safe distance away from the splashing war Gojyo and Goku had resumed. There was a wet spot on his leg from Gojyo's elbow. He did not notice said redhead grinning at him. Sanzo knelt in the dirt and splashed water over his face and neck. Hot damn did it feel good. No, not hot damn. Cold damn. _Very_ cold damn.   
  
Gojyo relished the way Sanzo shuddered in surprise. It was worth every instant. He had tiptoed over in as much silence as he could manage, holding a hose in his hands, twisting the rubber so no water escaped. In one swift movement, Gojyo had gotten the back of Sanzo's pants in one hand, the end of the hose in the other, and shoved the cold metal firmly inside the blonde's waistband with the water on full blast.  
  
Goku had nearly drowned himself in giggles. Hakkai was trying very, very hard not to let a single chuckle escape.   
  
The monk had made a sound very similar to something along the lines of "Gyah!" Not very dignified at all.  
  
Gojyo had tried to run like hell, he really had. He knew what would be behind him, gun or no gun, and he didn't want to be on the receiving end of the wrath of a very wet hen. Gojyo tried to run like hell, but he couldn't stop laughing and nearly tripped over the soggy ends of his pants. Sanzo had caught him with no trouble whatsoever.  
  
The blonde gripped the redhead by the chin, his fingers digging in strong enough to leave marks. He forced Gojyo's jaw open and put the end of the hose in his mouth. "I want your full attention, you worthless, perverted, bastard sprite," Sanzo hissed, making the hand kinking the hose very visible to the redhead. "I am about to let go with one hand. It's your choice whether or not it's the one holding the water back."   
  
Hakkai was already out of the water, hands up and ready to placate. But Sanzo turned his head and said, "You didn't warn me."  
  
Hakkai laughed sheepishly. "It _is_ rather a hot day out, Sanzo." And then his words faltered. Gojyo was grinning like a maniac.  
  
Sanzo, being utterly engrossed in threatening to drown Gojyo, had forgotten entirely about the kappa's wandering hands. They moved ever-so-slowly through empty air, one snaking forward and the other straight up. Before the blonde could register the movement, his pants were again wrenched from his hips just far enough for Gojyo to stuff the hose down them. The front side, this time.  
  
He didn't even make it three steps. The look on Sanzo's face outscored any vocal outburst. Old droopy-eyes' lids pulled back until the violet irises were swimming in a sea of white. And Gojyo could barely walk for the laughter shaking his body. It was worth the metallic-rust film the hose left in his mouth, worth the sting on his skin from Sanzo's fingers. The monk, beyond a stage of yelling and into the land of unutterable rage, shoved Gojyo hard into the river. While the redhead spluttered, Sanzo turned the hose on him, focusing the spray with his thumb over the nozzle, not letting up until Hakkai and Goku, on Sanzo's cue, had gone inside. And then the blonde dropped the hose, calmly walked into the inn, and locked the back door.   
  
Gojyo coughed up hosewater, expelling liquid from mouth and nose. The stuff burned like acid in passageways not meant for anything denser than air. He scrambled out of the water and ran to the door, yanking ineffectually at the knob. Next, he tried all the ground-floor windows. None of them were left open. Not even the front door yielded to him. And the sun was going down.  
  
Gojyo swore under his breath, but couldn't keep the laughter out of his string of curses. He sat, dripping wet, in the patch of sunlight still left by the porch. Hakkai had left shirt outside, and though it was still slightly damp it was better than nothing. The brunette had taken his monocle and boots. Gojyo toweled himself off and lay back in the remains of sunlight, sprawling cold but comfortable in the grass.  
  
He grinned to himself, remembering the way the monk had squelched when he'd stalked over to Gojyo after the first hose down his pants. _Wasn't like I'd given him an enema or anything, tight-assed monk,_ he thought to himself. And began to laugh again.  
  
He'd get the monk back in the morning, for making him spend the night outside. He'd go and find a girl to shack up with. The night was still young. He'd get Sanzo for it.  
  
Gojyo stretched out, putting his arms behind his head and staring with half-lidded eyes toward the sky. He chuckled again and closed his eyes, promising himself he'd do something about this in the morning. He knew he wouldn't, but that wasn't so bad sometimes. 


End file.
